My Heart

Can you believe it..

We did this..

Mother & Daughter

The sweetest face I've ever seen

In daddys hands

Giving Thanks

     This year we have been through so much. Moving, getting pregnant, welcoming our baby girl into the world.. We have more than enough to be thankful. We are healthy and happy. We are working and making it work.

What I'm really thankful for is serving the most awesome God! One who makes all these blessing possible. I'm thankful I can worship & serve him with out conviction! He has blessed me with my family and friends. I wake up every morning, not just Thanksgiving Day and am reminded how lucky I am & I'm so thankful.

     I'm thankful for my husband, Steven. We have been through so much together and I don't think I could have done it/made it with anyone else. God made him just for me. and I'm thankful.

I'm thankful for my Mia. She is my heart & you can't live without your heart, can you! Every time I see her I could cry. Being a mother is one of the greatest gifts that anyone can ever receive. She's the best baby & going to grow in to the sweetest little girl! I'm thankful for her.

     My friends have really shaped how I am. All the friends I do have I love more than anything and they are more than just friends, they are my family. Good, honestl people I can depend on! I would do anything for them and I know they would go to the end of the earth for me.. & for that I am thankful!

I have soooo much more to be thankful for...  it's just that simple.

2 weeks in..

     Alright.. We are two weeks into being parents and things are going great! Mia has her days and nights kind of mixed up but that is to be expected, I assume. I know what her cries mean. When she's dirty or hungry or just upset, I pride myself in that.
        Now I'm just waitin until the Dr. gives me the go ahead to start gettin' on with MY regular routine. When I got pregnant I was a big girl. I'd say around 265-270ish. At my heaviest carring Mia I was 302lbs. I know! I always said I never wanted to break the '300 mark' but I did. Not by much but I did. Now.. I'm at 288lbs. I can't wait to start working out and losing more weight. My loss of appitite has helped I know but that isn't the way I want to lose weight.. I want to do it in a healthy way. Working out, eating better. I want my little family to be healthy. I want to be able to run & play with Mia when she is older. You know you see the moms & dads that are over weight who just sit there while their kids play.. We don't want to be that way (which Steven will never be that way lol He is skin & bones as it is)
      She is my motivation! :) If I got down to 200lbs I would be perfectly happy. That's 88lbs gone! Doesn't matter how long it takes as long as I get it gone. I'm not on a time line or going to set a deadline.. That's too much pressure. Soo as soon as the Dr. gives me the go ahead I'll be working on a 'workout routine' and a eat schedule. I'll post my progress. Any tips or encouraging comments are greatly appreciated!

- it's beautiful -

27 weeks

The amazing Amanda Puckett took these! I think they are more than beautiful. I wasn't going to do any because I thought I looked like a fat cow BUT I'm so glad I did! They turned out amazing.

We couldn't wait to share our precious gift with the world.

Even when she wasn't here it still felt like a family of 3

35 weeks

3D/4D Ultrasound by Baby's Kickin' in Tupelo, Ms. When we finally saw her for the first time I thought of this picture! She looks just the same.

In love with him

In love with her

Lots of things have been said about me taking a picture like this. Maybe it's just people being old fashioned and thinking a women should broadcast/show off her pregnant stomach.. either way I don't care. I worked hard for 9 months on a blessing from God, I'm going to show it off. I think it's beautiful. I can't wait to get the other part to this picture. We took it today!

For you I will..

When you're feeling lost in the night,
When you feel your world just ain't right
Call on me, I will be waiting
Count on me, I will be there
Anytime the times get too tough,
Anytime your best ain't enough
I'll be the one to make it better,
I'll be there to protect you,
See you through,
I'll be there and there is nothing
I won't do.

I will cross the ocean for you
I will go and bring you the moon
I will be your hero your strength
Anything you need
I will be the sun in your sky
I will light your way for all time
Promise you,
For you I will.

I will shield your heart from the rain
I will let no harm come your way
Oh these arms will be your shelter
No these arms won't let you down,
If there is a mountain to move
I will move that mountain for you
I'm here for you, I'm here forever
I will be your fortress, tall and strong
I'll keep you safe,
I'll stand beside you, right or wrong

I will cross the ocean for you
I will go and bring you the moon (yeah, yeah)
I will be your hero your strength
anything you need (I will be..)
I will be the sun in your sky
I will light your way for all time
Promise you
For you I will

For you I will, lay my life on the line
For you I will fight, oooooh
For you I will die
With every breath, with all my soul
I'll give my world
I'll give it all
Put your faith in me (put you're faith in me)
And I'll do anything

I will cross the ocean for you (I will cross the ocean for you)
I will go and bring you the moon
I will be your hero your strength
Anything you need
I will be the sun in your sky
I will light your way for all time
Promise you (Promise you)
For you I will, I will, I will, I will,

I will cross the ocean for you
I will go and bring you the moon
I will be your hero your strength
Anything you need, (Anything you need)
I will be the sun in your sky (yeah, yeah)
I will let you wait for all times
Promise you (I promise you)
For you I will (Ooooh)
I promise you
For you I will

I always thought this song was a 'love song' but I heard it today and I realized it's a different kind of long song, to me anyway. All these things, I would do for my sweet girl. I want to be the kind of mother whos daughter can come to her without fear or without any hesitation at all with any problem she may have. Any concern, worry. Anything. I want her to trust me & her daddy. Trust that we DO know best for her and resecpt us as parents. I hope she grows up to be the very best person she can be. I hope Steven and I can guide her in that direction. I hope she takes the path that God has for her. I know we all stray at one point or another but I hope when she does.. she finds we way back without fault. She is my world. Steven & my sweet girl.. they are all I need. It's really amazing what this experience will do to a person. I honestly don't know how I would make it alone. I hope Mia Elizabeth knows how much everyone loves her.

I know we will make our fair share of mistakes as parents & we will let her down & she will let us down as well but I want to be able to look to God and with his help we can all stay close as a family. Sometimes your family is all you have. I want her to feel that no matter what she is going through she can always come home to me & her daddy. No matter if she is 15 or 55. I have so many hopes and dreams for her already. :) a week old & I want to plan her life. lol She is absolutely perfect in my eyes.

     This Photo: If you around the NEMS area I suggest you look up At Your Place Photography. Amanda Puckett is soo talented.  The ONLY person I would trust takin pictures of my Mia.  Precious. I almost cried in the middle of lunch when I seen this.



The Rush of Emotions..

     I never pictured myself as a mother & now that I am one, I'm not sure how to feel about it.
I look at my daughter & I see her daddy. She may not look like him but her new personality, her facial expressions.. her temperament. I love her more than anything in the world. But then I get this sad, overwhelming feeling that I can't do this. I'm not the kinda of person who is a 'good mother' (if anyone really knows what a 'good mother' is these days). I want to take care of her. I want to love on her and show her off to the world. Let everyone know this is what I've been working so hard on for the past 38 weeks but I doubt myself. I know people say it's normal to go through a few postpartum things but it's really overwhelming me. I've cried every day since I've been home. Not ALL DAY but at least twice. When she cries and I don't know how to make her stop or feel better it kills me. I feel helpless and defeated. Hoping this will all pass.

     Breastfeeding:
The first day in the hospital I tried to breastfeed her but with my blood loss & being induced & all the meds the nurses said it may take a few days or even a week or two for any milk to come in. She latched on but just didn't get anything. She did so well and knew what she was suppose to do but I couldn't do my part. I've tried every time we feed her and she still gets nothing. I feel like this is one way that I should be able to really bond with Mia. Mother & daughter, skin to skin. The closest we can get at this point. After getting home I thought it would be better. But maybe it's just not meant to be.
Last night, for the first time, she latched on and stayed on for about 2-3 mins. So she must have been getting something. You have NO idea the calm & ease that came over me. I finally felt like I was really making a difference for her and give her what she needs. Not even an hour 1/2 later her tummy was upset, with gas, again. Her crying too all those good feelings away and I went back to apologizing to her. For hurting her tummy. I know it may have not of been the breast milk to make her tummy upset but that sure is what it felt like.

     I just want what every mother in the world wants. I want my child to be happy and healthy. I want to see her brights eyes everyday for the rest of my life. It's nothing like I've ever felt before. Like I've said before.. Now I know what all the fuss is about! <3

My Steven

Ok, I'm not going to write a lot because I already posted today but I just wanted to take this free time and say that I truely have the most wonderful man in my life. Steven Christopher McCallus is one of the sweetest, funniest, most caring person I have ever met. He's always concerned about others and I am so happy that the good Lord brought him to me. I really believe we saved each other. He has taught me so much in the past 9 years. More then I could learn in a lifetime without him.

He has been the most amazing father to our daughter. He's gentle and loving. She couldn't have a better daddy. I cry (I am now writing this) when I see how amazing he is with her. I'm not able to do much at the moment and he has picked up the slack like he's done this all before. They say motherly instinct comes naturally & now I believe so does 'fatherly instinct'.

Ever couple has their ups & downs, it's only natural & we have had ours but there is NO ONE else in the whole world I would rather argue& fight with. lol

Favorite Quote that makes the think of US:

Living, fighting, obsessing
Just as long as I can share it all with you..

Yesterday, today, tomorrow, come rain, come shine
Hell and back, the beginning in between till' the end of time!